Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Twitter Fail!?

Why is Twitter over capacity

If people stop tweeting about me then I won't know that I am still popular.
If I'm not loved then how will I know I still even exist?
Maybe I'm not even real!

Damn it, it's hard to be Justin Bieber. Every day another Twitter challenge!


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Tito Ortiz beats Jenna Jameson up and gets away with it!

Tito Ortiz is reminding everyone what the OJ Simpson case taught us about domestic violence... Namely that if you have money you can beat up practically anyone, including women.

The Orange County district attourneys office has reported that they will not hear the case against Ortiz that alleges that he beat her up on April 26th.
The D.A. states there is insufficient evidence that Ortiz actually did anything which is likely because Jenna changed her story over and over. WOW, a pornstar who lies. Is that the first time that ever happened?

If I were to marry a pornstar, I probably wouldn't beat her up. Unless he made dinner the wrong way or I made the mistake of imagining how he had been with multiple partners at the same time on many different occasions. That would probably cause me to get very angry and transform into some sort of Incredible Bieber type Hulk character, in which case I'm sure I would just murder him on the spot.

Relationships are hard, yo!

I was in las vegas!

Hey everyone.
I went to las Vegas last week.
It was strange because I'm not old enough to actually do anything there but I did get to see the freaky impersonators out on the street.
Since I have very little talent one of them offered me a job as a Justin Timberlake impersonator!
I was so flattered!

Anyhow, here's a video:

Why Was I on Oprah?

Um... So this week I was on Oprah.
I sang that song where I say "baby" like 250 times in a row. It is a record for me in a song.
On that show there was me Justin Bieber and also there was this girl named Charise Pempengco who is from the Philippines and who is by far much more talented than I am.


Heck, compare her to me and she has a record contract with David Foster who is a GOD in the music industry, and who is actually from Canada just like me. Me, I just sort of glide around on the stage until I put the preteen girls in the audience in a trance enough that they are hypnotized enough to buy my records.
Backstage it was a really tense situation when we faced off. I gave him a BIEBER SMACKDOWN with a side of an USHER ROUNDHOUSE.

Foster won't mess with me anymore. Serves him right.


Brushing My Hair

Today I spent three hours brushing my hair.
I think that it is important. My hair looks like Donald Trump's hair, and the Trump Man is pretty damn cool... Always firing people.

I don't think that I will ever be fired from anything. As long as my mom has her youtube account she can always post my videos around and shop me to various record labels after Usher drops me for not being relevant in a few years.

But thats cool because by then I'll be a bonafide teen sex symbol and then I can go the Brittney Spears route of getting married in Las Vegas, getting a divorce, then going crazy and shaving my head in public.

I still haven't decided whether or not I will show the world an upskirt shot because I am still a little shy.
For the record I am old enough to drink in Canada in only two years, so look out Toronto, because once I can get smashed, it will be time for Bieber to really shine!

Hello World. I wasn't trending on twitter today?!

So today I was on twitter.
I go on twitter like, all the time. When you are like me and you have sold millions of albums you do not have to go to school. So even though today I should have been in school like a regular kid, I was on twitter.
I must stay on top of that or else I am no longer relevant. If I stop being relevant I have to go back to Canada, and trust me... that is the very LAST thing I want to do.

Most of the time I spend directing all my "twitter handlers" on how to get me trending to the top of twitter, Then I take a break to make a "peace" sign with my fingers and take some photos... After that I check twitter again to see where I am on there.

But today I wasn't trending. I asked my twitter people why that was and they just made a bunch of excuses about actual news events being important.
WTF man...

Instead Betty White was trending.
Betty White?! Shes like... a million or something.
I am Justing mother f$&%*@# BIEBER... Why not trend me?

So I essentially took the rest of the day off from twitter and tried to sing, which was not so much singing as much as it was me just saying "Baby" over and over again...

But then Kim Kardashian and Usher showed up and we all went and swam in a big swimming pool made of gold and filled with money, and after that I felt pretty good about myself.